Hey there,
Welcome to March, and this month’s Letter From the Editor!
How often do we jump to a conclusion, create a label (typically around the constructs of “good” vs. “bad” or “right” vs. “wrong” etc) and then develop an entire narrative around a situation or experience in our lives? Every. Single. Day.
The coffee barista was rude to you, your boss sent an email that sounds passive aggressive, and your partner didn’t return your phone call. Suddenly you’ve got emotional assumptions swirling around about all of these scenarios. You’re certain that the barista doesn’t like you, your boss is about to fire you, and your partner is mad at you.
You jumped to a conclusion about what each of these interactions meant, then labeled them and created a story about it. Look at all the bandwidth this has taken! Look at all the emotional energy spent on these narratives that might not even be grounded in reality.
“Don’t take anything personally” is one of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. As Ruiz says, “what others say and do is a projection of their own reality. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”
In other words, other people’s opinions of us are none of our business, and another person’s actions have nothing to do with us. How liberating is that?!
Another of the four agreements is “Don’t make assumptions.” When we create the judgments and narratives in our heads, we are making assumptions. Often, assumptions lead to misunderstandings, miscommunications, and missed opportunities to find clarity and avoid unnecessary drama.
Judgments are rooted in “shoulds.” Your partner “should” communicate more effectively. Your boss “should” manage their employees more effectively. Everytime we “should” someone, we are casting judgment.
And if we are judging other people, it’s probably because we’re also judging ourselves. “I should be _______ (better, smarter, more successful, slimmer, more muscular” . . . and the list goes on). Odds are we’re probably judging ourselves the harshest.
Judgment says we are not content with how things are. Judgment shows resistance to change, fear, uncertainty, and a lack of self-love. Judgment shows that we are continuing the narrative in our heads. Judgment shows that we are not observing without labeling!
It has been said that the highest form of intelligence is observation without judgment. The Indian philosopher and writer Krishnamurti believed that one’s “ability to observe without evaluating” is the greatest expression of intelligence . . .
Observation “without judgment” is the highest expression of awareness. We get back to the beginner’s mindset of observing without labeling, of simply collecting data, noticing and witnessing, of being ok with ourselves and others just as we are.
It’s ok if you have been creating narratives and judgments and labels. You are human! We all do it! I’m simply providing food for thought into how we can reduce our amount of suffering and increase our level of self-awareness. When we can take a step back, we see that everyone, including ourselves, is doing the best they can.
An easy way to apply this practice is the next time you do yoga, go for a walk, or interact with someone. Notice yourself, your body, your surroundings, your interactions with simple awareness. Witness without judgment today. Give yourself this mental and emotional break and notice what unfolds for you!
We hope you enjoyed this month’s Letter From the Editor. Be sure to tune in every month for your next dose of inspiration and motivational food for thought!
Make it a great month!
Ashton, Founder of YouAligned.com and YA Classes
