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How to Let Go of Your Inner Control Freak and Enjoy Life as It Comes

We’ve all seen the glimpse of our inner control freak. We get upset – no, we get downright pissed-off – when our flight is delayed, when our take-out meal isn’t what we ordered, or when someone doesn’t do work in the way we wanted them to.

It is so prevalent in our society that we even wear shirts and have signs that tell us to: “Keep Cool and Stay Calm.”

The foundation of the control freak is the belief that one can control external circumstances, including people. The control freak is always “doing” and rarely “being.” With a busy mind, the control freak is constantly planning and plotting for the next steps, the “what ifs,” and for all the disasters in between.

So, how to let go then?

To recognize the control freak is to know that it is completely driven by the ego, or our “storied” self. Anything that doesn’t go as planned or expected becomes an attack on our identity. We get so wrapped up with the external identification of who we are, that when things go wrong, we become the failure.

If you struggle with ego, check out: When You Shine, I Shine – Let Go of Your Ego (It’s Not Serving Anyone)

Here Are 4 Ways to Learn How to Let Go of Your Inner Control Freak and Enjoy Life as It Comes:

So, when we recognize our control freak tendencies, then how to let go is the most important thing to find out. We must learn how to let go of this perceived “control” and stop identifying with it.

Here are four important ways in which you can actively start.


1. Recognize Fear

The control freak takes action based on fear and often goes into fight-or-flight mode. The control freak fears how others will perceive them and tries to make things “right.” Fear loses its power when we see it for what it is.

The next time you feel stressed, ask yourself, “Is it because I am afraid of how the outcome will be?” If so, know and trust your inner abilities because your best effort will result in the best outcome. There is no such thing as a “perfect” outcome.

Need help recognizing fear? Fear. It’s a F*cking Liar – 5 Ways to Let That Sh*t Go

2. Listen to Your Intuition

The control freak can cloud intuition. But because intuition is our soul speaking to us, those nudges and ideas are unlikely to go away. Our intuition is “the flow” in life and serves as our inner GPS. It inspires us and excites us.

The next time you feel compelled to pull over to watch a sunset, do it. Those moments may lead you to your next idea or opportunity.

Looking for “the flow?” What Does It Mean to Be “In the Flow?” Here’s How to Access the Elusive Flow State

3. Let Go of the “Shoulds”

Do you often find yourself saying, “This is how it should be,” or “I should have _____ by now”?

Ask yourself whether these “shoulds” are based on a fear of something. Living by a lot of “shoulds” can box you in. Remember that a tree never told itself it “should” have leaves in order to be a tree. Just the same, your life is unfolding perfectly as it is – with or without your doing.

4. Continue Living Fully

To let go doesn’t mean you give up. It is not about avoiding the unpleasant or avoiding stress in life. It is the process of allowing and letting life just happen for you.

It is knowing your efforts are part of the process of living and that they do not guarantee a certain outcome. After all, life itself is not about how it ends, but about our own experiential journey through it.


So Go Ahead, Release Control and Let Go

When we think we can control outcomes, we give away our power to those external factors to determine who we are and our worth. When we tie our identities to what we cannot control, we are left with the feeling that we are never enough.

Learning how to let go of my “storied” self has been a long and continuous journey for me. However, once I learned how to let go of my stories, I also let go of my victimhood, judgment, and insecurity. Instead, inspiration, contentment, and compassion filled those voids.

When we allow ourselves to release control and simply let go, a whole new world of opportunity and life awaits us.

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