We use cookies to provide and improve our services. By using our site, you consent to cookies.

Cookie Image

Stop Playing the Victim! 5 Signs Your Perspective Is to Blame + How to Flip the Script

Dr. Wayne Dyer said, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

This quote came into my life when I questioned my priorities, my purpose, and my direction. I was stuck in a cycle of negativity. I had just returned to work after my second baby and felt trapped in a demanding and meaningless job.

How My Original Perspective Shaped My Everyday Life

As an attorney, I felt it was my job to pick battles over money, viewpoints, and semantics. It seemed like my friends and coworkers were getting promoted to dream jobs while I was left in the dust.

On top of that, I had a bully for a boss who yelled and was relentless with his glares, unreasonable criticism, and offensive behavior.

Even my home life was in a downward spiral. I would come home after a two-hour commute to a messy house and two screaming, tired children. I felt so drained and empty that I would react by fighting with my husband. And I became cold and distant with my children.

“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” – Dr. Wayne Dyer

After all, they were another “chore” on my to-do list for the evening. Even though my kids would scream, “I don’t want Mommy! No Mommy!,” I tried not to let it bother me.

I walked around my life as a hollow shell of my old self and had forgotten how to laugh. Deep inside, I was brokenhearted and saw my life as a hopeless, irreparable failure. I had no idea how to put the pieces back to my once happy and simple life.

For many of us, challenging or negative life experiences build up until they break us down and begin to shape our perspective, thoughts, and ultimately our reality in a negative and self-defeating way.

Yet on that same vein, through a perspective shift, we can regain our confidence, our power, and our passion for life.


How Our Perceptions Create Our Worlds

Dr. Dyer’s quote struck me because I thought, as a realist, my reality was what I could see. It wasn’t just a perception that my boss was a bully or that my kids avoided me.

However, what I came to realize is that we think we understand our world based on what we see, but we see a world as we understand it. In turn, our understanding of it creates our circumstances – our reality.

The way we understand life is established by past experiences and our subconscious, which is developed by age seven.

We see a world as we understand it.

So up to the age of seven, we allow our experiences to shape our world and expectations. We absorbed and accepted what we saw and heard adults do and say to others, and to us.

So as children, if we were taught we didn’t know what was best for us and that we live in a big, bad, dangerous world, we may be fearful adults who struggle with trust in others and ourselves.

We may end up developing emotional walls to defend ourselves for fear that others will discover we are not who we project. And we feel afraid to take action because a failure will expose us.

How My Perspective Shift Came About

In my situation, I chose to live my life as a backseat passenger and allowed myself to be bullied, not just by my boss but also by my circumstances.

I didn’t trust myself enough to take control. When I realized I was living a life dictated by fear, not by potential, I decided to take action.

Little by little, I took steps to change my circumstances: I requested a more meaningful work assignment. I started an anti-bullying program at the office, reconnected with my friends, dedicated my commute time to learning through audiobooks.

I shifted my mindset to one of patience and love, and soon I came home to hugs and smiles.

My life completely changed and it didn’t require me changing everything to get there. It simply required a major perspective shift. For me specifically, it was a shift from a negative, victim mentality to one of gratitude, empowerment, and focusing on the positive.

Here Are 5 Signs Your Perspective Is Controlling Your Life:

Our circumstances in life can remain the same but how we experience them determines where we can take our lives.

If you’re feeling stuck in your life, here are a few key signs that indicate your perception is dictating your circumstances:

  1. You feel like nothing seems to go right and wonder why bad things always happen to you
  2. You see “success” as something that only “happens” to others
  3. You’re afraid to take action because you fear failure
  4. You have excuses for everything that is wrong in your life
  5. You believe you are a victim of your circumstances

Having a negative perception or remaining in a bad situation is a choice. We do it because it serves the purpose of validating our subconscious beliefs. If we have a belief of unworthiness, we will overlook our small successes and focus on the failures and inadequacies.

Anything that makes us question our identity and beliefs can turn our worlds upside down, and push us out of our comfort zones. Yet when you step outside your comfort zone, you step into your full power.

Need a major perspective shift? This One Small Shift Will Help You Achieve Your Goals Quicker and Actually Enjoy the Process (From a Life Coach)


Flip the Script! Here’s How to Live Your Best Life With a Perspective Shift:


1. Stop Making Excuses

Stop making excuses for your life. Changing how you view your life isn’t about ignoring or sugar coating a bad situation. It’s about taking a close look at your participation in a bad situation.

Ask yourself the tough questions: Is it happening because you are allowing it? If so, how does allowing a bad situation serve your belief system?

2. Pay Attention to What You Say

Be aware of your words. Words are not only important for daily communication but are powerful for setting intentions. If the language you choose tends to be more negative, your mindset will be too.

Our day may be “busy” but it can also be seen as “full.” We can have “problems” or we can have “situations.” Words are a tool for us to see the world differently.

3. Take Action

Your situation may not be ideal now but it won’t get better without any action. Creating goals and writing them down is an action step. Taking the first step to achieving that goal is also action.

Each step of action will open up more paths for you to take and eventually lead you to something beyond what you expected from your goal.

For example, if your goal is to meet more people, join a Meetup group and attend a meeting with an open mind and heart. Going in with that mindset will attract others to you.

4. Focus On the Good

Write down three miracles of your day. Every evening, before bed, write about three amazing things that you experienced that day. It can be as simple as seeing a sunset or having a laugh with friends or going to a yoga class.

When we acknowledge and celebrate the good we already have in our lives, we avoid taking these simple joys and accomplishments for granted and open ourselves to all the positivity and abundance.

Your Perception Dictates Your Reality, So a Simple Perspective Shift Can Change Everything

We create our reality through our thoughts, and we affirm it through our words and our actions. Recognize that we are always actively creating our reality.

We see our world with distorted lenses and will act accordingly. When we know there is no “perfect” life to be lived but one of growth and learning, we can forgive ourselves and see that there are no mistakes we make in life.

We are constant students blazing our own trails for the realization of our own unique truth. Be kind to yourself, be gentle and uplifting in your thoughts, be positive and affirming in your words, and you will see this positive perspective reflected in the world around you.

This article has been read 764 times. Share it and spread the love!


wonderful comments!

Practice These 15 Encouraging Mantras to Boost Positive Self-Talk
A mantra is a repeated sound, word, or sentence used to help with meditation. You can use mantras to boost positive self-talk, self-love, and confidence.
Read »

Jenny Tam

Jenny works as an attorney in Los Angeles and when she is not chasing her two very fast toddlers at the park, she helps her non-legal clients get unstuck from their limiting beliefs. She enjoys yoga, journaling, connecting with her soul and playing with her dog, Milo.

Mind, body & life wellness in your inbox.

Get the
YA Classes App

No WiFi? No Problem! Download
classes and take them without an
internet connection.

Download YA Classes app on the Apple App Store
Download YA Classes app on the Google Play Store

Also available in Apple TV , Mac and Amazon apps.

Send this to a friend
Follow us on Close

Create Your FREE Account

Woohoo! You’re about to unlock unlimited articles, exclusive
community content, and select on-demand yoga and fitness classes.


Lost password?